Side Effects...

They tell us chemo patients that in the 3 week cycle; you will have 7-10 rough days, then about 5 days to recuperate and then about a week of GOOD days prior to your next treatment.  And then the cycle repeats...

And true to their telling, these days have been a bit rough...
But truly I am so thankful for so many things...

Yes, I've been...
-very tired; fatiqued
-nauseated
-some vomiting
-dry mouth & skin
-headache from the anti-nausea meds
-aches like the flu for days on end
-shoots of pain in countless places
and then I contracted a good old head & chest cold to finish off the week.
My sofa & our lazy boy are my best friends....

These are just a few of the common side effects.   But, I still have my hair; and enjoy washing, drying and styling it. And my appetite is a bit better...Just some of the many things I have to be thankful for.

Psalms 106:1
Praise the LORD, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.




hiking Skyline Trail in Nova Scotia



Gulf Coast of Florida

 Today, is Tim's birthday and today I celebrate his life and love for me.  What a gift to have such a loving and caring husband during this season of my life.  He just seems to know what to get and when for me.  He is patient, caring and kind in so many ways.  Walking thru life with me...
So, amid the side affects...

today I choose THANKS...

-for my husband to walk thru life with
-for each of our precious children, Drew, Tara, Laura & Clark & their wonderful spouses
-the 9 darling grandchildren who bring me great joy and the one we will meet in a few short weeks.
-my amazing parents & in-laws who, call, come, help, pray and love on us.
-my side-kick sisters who have to know "how the night went..." or the symptoms of the day.
-my brothers & wives who faithfully pray and check in regularily.
-my most wonderful friends who care and pray so faithfully.
-phone calls, texts, emails & cards; which are greatly treasured.

Ephesians 1:16
I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.


-the gift of an early diagnosis...
-my friend who is fighting a 11 year battle with cancer & graciously heads to chemo weekly with a smile and the grace of God in her spirit.  She has showed me how to depend on God when the "going gets rough."
-great medical care.
-anti-nausea meds...
-the nurses at chemo.
-friends who brought a smile to my chemo treatment.
-minimual side effects for the first go-round.
-the knowledge that chemo works and the improved health on the other side.
-the Word of God;which continues to encourage my heart..."He is my Strong Tower"
-a book of scripture verses from another family battling cancer.
-food on my table in abundance from those who graciously provide.
-a country where we can have freedom to worship our God.
-the sunrise and the color of the leaves.
-the changing of seasons...
-the scent of a burning candle.
-a warm house.
-the smile of baby Hudson.
-the laughter of children.

a Florida sunset...

Yes, I could go on and on with the countless things I am thankful for...

but for now, I'm off to rest my head and get well from the head cold & cough that has also taken up residence in my body.

Thanks for taking time to visit me here...

Day after First Treatment...

These 2 were unable to come;

so their dear mother texted this to me...precious!

Yesterday, they hooked me up to all kind of stuff (medicines)and then came the chemo drugs.  I felt so loved & cared for by the kind family and friends who were able to stop by and visit.  Including our youngest grandchild, Husdon who visited from his stroller and loving arms of his mother.  They normally don't want children in the Infusion Room, but being only 2 months old; he stayed close to his mother and brought Grammy great delight from my perch on the reclining chair; perfect with side table for snacks and a window view.  Not to forget the wonderful nurses who brought me pillows & warm blankets as needed.

My beloved kindly took the morning off work to get me started and then off to his good job for a company that is wonderfully understanding to needs such as family medical needs.  At the end of the day, when my "side kick" (sister) took me to meet hubby, I had much to be thankful for!  God took such good care of me; it was a long day 8+ hours there & amid a reaction to the one chemo drug all else was smooth sailing.  As Tim & I talked about our days, I told him "I had a good day" and then I thought about how that sounded and wondered to myself...is it possible to have a GOOD chemo treatment day?!?!?   Yes, because of God's grace, indeed it is!   Yes, it's chemo and no, the reactions and the upcoming days might not be fun, but seriously I was well cared for, loved much and I feel fine...at this point.

Even got a neck roll from a dear one who makes and donates them to chemo patients...and a wonderful massage from my dear mother.

Today is day one; They tell me it gets worse from here for a few days, but I am thankful for EACH good gift from my Heavenly Father.  A bit nauseous today and very tired so off to nap I go.

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
To you, my friends and family who care to read this blog and especially those who take time to pray for me; my most gracious thanks to each one.  It is such a blessing to have such wonderful support; I am a blessed woman.  God IS good to me!

First treatment day; Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I awaken early; long before the alarm with the reality that "today's the day"...there's no more putting off or dealing with later...today's the day and in a few short hours, I will be "hooked up" to drugs to kill any cancer in my body.  I'm pretty good at putting aside feelings and reality until it's time;  Well, its time. and the tears come flowing down.  Who ever wants to go thru chemo and its side effects, who wants to be fatigued and nauseous for days after; who wants to loose their hair and have dry skin & a dry mouth with metallic taste...

But for whatever reason, my God has chosen this for me; this time. and the tear begin to flow.  Tim awakens to the silence of tears hitting the pillow beside him and holds me tight.  another gift; his love & support.  We talk to the Lord....

I read thru some of the MANY scriptures that God has used to encourage my heart in recent weeks and again my focus is changed and I am strengthened. 

Psalms 62:5-8
Find rest O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. 
He alone is my Rock & my salvation.  
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 


My salvation & my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge.  


Trust in Him at all times, O people; 
pour out your hearts to Him for God is our Refuge.

I decide that a brisk walk this November morning would be "just what the doctor ordered". After all, they say exercise is good for chemo patients. Its been exactly 2 months to the day since my surgery on Sept 16.  I love  to speed walk but have not had the strength for months since my surgery.   Its been so long since I put on my NB walkers that I am unsure they fit...what a good feeling to get outside while its dark and let the tears flow; no one will see the wadded paper towel that serves so well as a tissue this Wednesday morning.  The absorbency works well, when tears are many.  I walk past the home of my dear friend; my walking partner that slumbers still and see the soft lights in their family room.  A great reminder of the warmth of SO many in our lives that have offered love, care, warmth and many prayers on our behalf.  I am blessed beyond measure.  Every person should be cared for and and loved as much as I.

I read thru more scriptures on my phone...restoring my mind so focused on the words that I trip on the side walk.  Good thing it wasn't an oncoming car,

Isaiah 41:9b,10,13
...you are my servant; 
I have chosen you & have not rejected you. 
So do not fear; for I AM WITH you. 
Do not be dismayed for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you & help you. 
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 


For I am the Lord your God,
Who takes hold of your right hand & says to you;
Do not fear I will help you!

These are the verses I claim for this day; asking God to uphold me with His righteous right hand; filling me with the grace that comes only from Him so that I may be a testimony to every nurse, patient, or technician whom I meet today.  May the love of Jesus flow from me like the chemo drugs flow in.

My  alarm sounds and I know its time to get on with the day so; back to our haven on Cedar Ave to finish preparing for this day.  I must say that most of the preparation happened on my walk; alone with my Saviour where He calms hearts and extends grace for each second of daily life. 
Your journey today will likely be much different from mine, but nonetheless God's abundant grace is ENOUGH and He will see us thru; cause He promised...and I'm counting on it...

2 Corinthians 12:8b-9
"My grace is sufficient for YOU;
for my power is made perfect in weakness...
therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses;
so that Christ's power may rest on me."
my good husband is making hot tea and oatmeal (my favorites) for our nourishment; and off to the shower I go holding on the the Righteous Right Hand of my Saviour...

Weekend Getaway...OCNJ

The beauty of seeing the ocean and watching the waves roll in and back out again;

is truely one of God's richest blessings to me. 

Today I am thankful to Creator God for the way He made the coast of Ocean City, NJ

 This picture posted just because it was Tim's favorite...

Yes, we walked the beach and the boardwalk of OCNJ during this beautiful November saturday. 

Indeed a blessing to spend this time away with my wonderful husband of 34 years!

What a gift from the Lord to enjoy the sun and hear the waves a few days before I start chemo.

God's kindness; He cares about all things...

It was Monday morning and I wanted an appointment to take my daughters with me to shop for a wig.  The dear lady who owns the shop is a breast cancer survivor.  She called me back to confirm the appointment for early evening on Monday, November 7. 
I hung up the phone and began to cry; another reality...this one of loosing my hair.  What will it be like to look in the mirror and see a bald head.  Really it hasn't bothered me alot; but this morning making the appointment with Stephanie confirmed a reality and the tears began to flow. 
I went to my desk and opened my Bible.  God always encourages my heart whenever I am discouraged...
wouldn't you know, I look down and there on the pages of Jeremiah 9:1
as tears rolled down my checks I read...

"Oh that my head were a spring of water;
and my eyes a fountain of tears!"

Once again, it was like God said; I hear your cry over the bald head and see your fountain of tears...

I then turned to Jeremiah 30:17
"...But I will restore you to health, and heal your wounds declares the Lord."

My heart was encouraged in this, God cares how we feel; even when it hurts and He promised to restore us to health.  That was just what I needed to rest in Him for this part of the journey.

Isn't God good to me; such a blessing to be His child...

Hair...

Tonight, we had dessert with some friends; another couple who is facing cancer.  This dear woman, who I only met about 2 years ago has breast cancer and has received her first chemo treatment about 10 days ago.  She looked beautiful tonight AND she still has her hair.  She told me that each day, she and her husband thank the Lord for her hair.  Guess I had better start being thankful for it; while I have it.

Funny, how the smallest things; things  we so often take for granted; become so LARGE, so wonderful as hair on ones head.  Especially since for both she and I; we KNOW its inevitable that before the month end we will both likely be bald.  Wigs, or hair prothesis have become topics of discussion and yes, sometimes we laugh about it. 

Who knows how you will find me in the next month?  Maybe I'll have long brown hair or maybe it will still be blonde, maybe a hat; afterall, Winter is coming.   Guess, I had better start looking for a wig.   But seriously, none of us women wants to be bald, but I know that my Maker has the very hairs of my head numbered.  He knows me full well.
Luke 12:7
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
He cares about the things that are important to us, So much so that He even numbered the hairs on my head.  Wow, what peace to Know He loves me that much!

I will continue to trust in Him...

Decision made...chemo here we come...

 

Sometimes God answers prayers in ways we aren't always ready for...

But always with His faithful hand of grace and love.

 

I was reading tonight in Isaiah 41:10 &13

So, do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you & help you;

I will uphold you with my Righteous right hand...

 

For I am the Lord your God,

who takes hold of your right hand and says to you;

Do NOT fear for I will help you!

 

How precious the promises in the Word of God...

What strength for today and hope and Help for tomorrow.

 

I'm not sure whether the chemo will be administered in my right or left arm, but I KNOW that based on Isaiah 41:13 my Lord God will take hold of my right hand and I WILL Not fear for He will help me.

 

The report from Penn Medical Pathology Dept. was similar to the Path report from LGH to confirm I have a Stage 2 Ovarian Cancer.  Cancer was found in 2 places; the ovary and the cyst against the pelvic wall.  Therefore Dr. R from Penn as well as Dr. O (LGH) and my gyno-oncologist all recommend 6 rounds of chemo every 3 weeks.  It took some time to get to this decision but God had a plan in the "waiting".  I am gaining strength and feeling better each day. 

 

I will have some preliminary blood work and begin chemo on Wednesday, November 16.

 

Tim & I along with our children are confident in God's leading and are at peace with God's direction in this.  God has a definate plan here and He WILL be glorified in this season of my life! 

 

I anticipate God's healing touch on my body as well as regained strength to resume life as normal in the months to come.  .