First treatment day; Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I awaken early; long before the alarm with the reality that "today's the day"...there's no more putting off or dealing with later...today's the day and in a few short hours, I will be "hooked up" to drugs to kill any cancer in my body.  I'm pretty good at putting aside feelings and reality until it's time;  Well, its time. and the tears come flowing down.  Who ever wants to go thru chemo and its side effects, who wants to be fatigued and nauseous for days after; who wants to loose their hair and have dry skin & a dry mouth with metallic taste...

But for whatever reason, my God has chosen this for me; this time. and the tear begin to flow.  Tim awakens to the silence of tears hitting the pillow beside him and holds me tight.  another gift; his love & support.  We talk to the Lord....

I read thru some of the MANY scriptures that God has used to encourage my heart in recent weeks and again my focus is changed and I am strengthened. 

Psalms 62:5-8
Find rest O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. 
He alone is my Rock & my salvation.  
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 


My salvation & my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge.  


Trust in Him at all times, O people; 
pour out your hearts to Him for God is our Refuge.

I decide that a brisk walk this November morning would be "just what the doctor ordered". After all, they say exercise is good for chemo patients. Its been exactly 2 months to the day since my surgery on Sept 16.  I love  to speed walk but have not had the strength for months since my surgery.   Its been so long since I put on my NB walkers that I am unsure they fit...what a good feeling to get outside while its dark and let the tears flow; no one will see the wadded paper towel that serves so well as a tissue this Wednesday morning.  The absorbency works well, when tears are many.  I walk past the home of my dear friend; my walking partner that slumbers still and see the soft lights in their family room.  A great reminder of the warmth of SO many in our lives that have offered love, care, warmth and many prayers on our behalf.  I am blessed beyond measure.  Every person should be cared for and and loved as much as I.

I read thru more scriptures on my phone...restoring my mind so focused on the words that I trip on the side walk.  Good thing it wasn't an oncoming car,

Isaiah 41:9b,10,13
...you are my servant; 
I have chosen you & have not rejected you. 
So do not fear; for I AM WITH you. 
Do not be dismayed for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you & help you. 
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 


For I am the Lord your God,
Who takes hold of your right hand & says to you;
Do not fear I will help you!

These are the verses I claim for this day; asking God to uphold me with His righteous right hand; filling me with the grace that comes only from Him so that I may be a testimony to every nurse, patient, or technician whom I meet today.  May the love of Jesus flow from me like the chemo drugs flow in.

My  alarm sounds and I know its time to get on with the day so; back to our haven on Cedar Ave to finish preparing for this day.  I must say that most of the preparation happened on my walk; alone with my Saviour where He calms hearts and extends grace for each second of daily life. 
Your journey today will likely be much different from mine, but nonetheless God's abundant grace is ENOUGH and He will see us thru; cause He promised...and I'm counting on it...

2 Corinthians 12:8b-9
"My grace is sufficient for YOU;
for my power is made perfect in weakness...
therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses;
so that Christ's power may rest on me."
my good husband is making hot tea and oatmeal (my favorites) for our nourishment; and off to the shower I go holding on the the Righteous Right Hand of my Saviour...